Something in a shade of gray November 12, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
It’s hard for me to comprehend that I’m actually actively seeking a man right now. It’s so odd. I’ve always shrugged off my single status as a consequence of me not finding the right man. And that I needn’t look so hard because he would find me. Or we’d find each other. Fate and all of that good stuff.
Then I turned 26 and all hell broke loose emotionally and I realized that I didn’t want to wake up 10 years from now alone and not at least be able to say that I’d tried. (If I’m never going to find The One, I don’t want it to be because I spent my life hiding under covers away from human contact.)
But what next? Bored with online dating, tired of trying to find Him in smoky bars and wondering where to go. I get tired of it all, spend weekends alone. I scrunch my nose up at the guys who might be available. I’m too picky. Or sometimes, not picky enough, so I end up wasting time of guys when I know there’s no hope for a future. And this causes me to wonder if I’m at the point in my life where it is worth dating someone who isn’t The One. And then I get all stressed that I’m overthinking and that I should be having fun and not worrying so much about biological clocks and life schedules.
I’m stalled. Or maybe I’m stalling.
There’s a fine line between the two.
Charming, but single 
Whatever you do, don’t give in to the urge to settle, Charming. You seem like a person who really wants the real thing, and knows when you don’t have it. Settling will only highlight what you don’t have (even more than being single does).
There’s a Mr. Right and a Mr. Right Now. As far as how I look at dating… anyone I date is a Mr. Right Now until I get to know them better. No one’s made it to Mr. Right yet, but that’s not to say he isn’t out there.
In other words, you have to date to find Mr. Right. And if you meet Mr. Right while you are dating someone else, that is easily remedied.
Don’t question. Have fun with dating because it should be fun.
There’s a Mr. Right and a Mr. Right Now. As far as how I look at dating… anyone I date is a Mr. Right Now until I get to know them better. No one’s made it to Mr. Right yet, but that’s not to say he isn’t out there.
In other words, you have to date to find Mr. Right. And if you meet Mr. Right while you are dating someone else, that is easily remedied.
Don’t question. Have fun with dating because it should be fun.
Oh, but you have tried! Maybe the online dating bit wasn’t for you. Or maybe you were trying too hard to make something work that isn’t meant to be. Whatever the reason, continue to have fun. You’ll find the real thing soon enough.
And you certainly wouldn’t be the only one out there who is 36 and single. And there isn’t a thing wrong with that!!
Hang in there!
Keep looking, he is out there, I think. I’m looking too, maybe someone will read our blogs and realize we are the ones, let them come to us!
I am the same exact way. Everyone says you won’t find love if you’re looking for it, but people worry that one day they will wake up and realized they passed someone wonderful by. So they hold onto something that is clearly wrong for them. Don’t lose hope. You deserve to find someone like Harry Burns, baby:
“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
I’m with you. I think it’s winter, but I can’t get it out of my head, how nice it would be to have someone … to keep me warm.
How are you going to know if it is the One, unless you date him first? Are you one of those who believe in love at first sight?
You can juggle a Mr. Right Now or 2 until Mr. Right comes along or Mr. Right Now morphs into Mr. Right..
I feel exactly the same way. I am starting online dating again (signing up tonight, in fact). I’ve already done Match before, gotten bored with it, taken a long break, and then felt hopeless again with all other avenues of finding a Mr. Right. Here I go (again).
(sigh)
Hmm. . .I keep swinging between feeling I need to hold out for Mr Right vs. thinking I should just settle for Mr Right Now, as long as he has a nice pair of shoulders. . .
Plus, although I don’t want to believe in love at first sight and all that, I’d like to think that it should be sorta “natural” that the right love will come along and work out without too much effort on my part. That’s one of the reasons I’m not trying online dating- cos I think it means I’m “trying” too hard to find love which means it can’t be right, which then means whoever I meet won’t be The One.
But you know what? I haven’t had a date in um, 3 months, so don’t take anything I say seriously 🙂
-mm
Recently re-single myself (as in, this week), being alone SUCKS. But then again, being married to the wrong guy sucked worse. (At least single I have shreds of dignity and self-respect to keep me company).
I’m braving the world of OKCupid once more, because it’s free. But I’m also doing the 8 minute dating thing again (y’know, “Date-a-palooza,” as seen in _The 40-year-old Virgin_) The last time I did it I met a guy who was a mortgage loan officer, and I ended up buying my house from him. He ended up being a loser, but at least I’m no longer in the nasty apartment my ex-husband’s cat peed all over…
Good luck! Somewhere out there there MUST be a decent guy… (if we’re really lucky, there’s more than one, and we can each get one!)
How’s NaNo going?
Yes I too am bored with the looking…You know what they say “a watched pot never boils” That applies, But you know it when you see it..that Mr. Right or Miss Right in my case is there. I think it’s the up coming holidays putting some stress on the looking. I say don’t panic you still have 2 years til you get to my age. And not to be creepy but I’d take you out- just from what you write… and I don’t even know you! Put some of your blog out there- meaning open this stuff up to some others (in person-not saying me, ha)… maybe? OR do I not know what I’m talking about?
I know it sounds cheesy, I know you’ve probably heard it all before, but perhaps looking places other than smoky bars may lend some cute-yet-keepworthy guys. Ever joined a book club? A writer’s workshop? Are there other NaNo writers you can get to know? Ask friends to hook you up with worthy guys (sometimes our friends– clearly the most trsuted ones, the ones you know well and know you deeply) can see what you want/need in a man better than we can for ourselves). If you just get out there and meet people, perhaps new connections and that whole six-degrees thing may eventually lead you to Mr Totaly Awesome. Even chance encounters at the store can be the beginnings of potetianl friendships or romances.
“…I realized that I didn’t want to wake up 10 years from now alone and not at least be able to say that I’d tried.”
I usually don’t comment but this post really struck a chord with me. I just turned 35, single, never been married, no kids, nice job, own a house, etc. It’s harder and harder to find women around my age that are equally unencumbered and sort of at least look like they have it together on paper. I guess, what I mean to say is that it isn’t so bad out here living in your worst case scenario. There’s been tremendous love, a fair amount of sex, a hell of a lot of good friends, and overall there is a bright side: You become more attractive as you get older, partly because of life experience, and partly because of a lack of complications.
I hope I said what I meant to…lol
my policy is never to settle…i find it to be a waste of time for you and the person you’d be settling on.
it’s a good thing to know that personally though. you can’t really know not to settle until you experienced it yourself.
long time reader, first timer poster….i was in the same boat about 2 years ago when i was your age. did the whole online dating thing. resulted in nothing but a whole lot of disappointments. then i started to play the ‘i don’t care’ card. i thought that if i didn’t stress so much about finding me a man, then he would just, poof, magically appear. then i started stressing out about how wound tight my bilogical clock was. i mean, hello…i want to be able produce off-springs before my retirement kicked in. but then one day, my 27 bday, to be exact, i just decided to stop putting all my ‘must have qualities’ so high up on this pedestal. i started dating people i normally wouldn’t consider dating and found out that i ended up having a great time. i’m not saying that you should settle but allow yourself to see the hidden qualities that we often miss bc we are so busy trying to find the qualities we “want’ to see in a guy.
i met my bf when i was 27 and we have been dating almost a year. and get this…i AM SO HAPPY…seriously…i literally have no regrets waiting this long. my advice? be patient and start having an open mind when you go on dates. at the very least, it will give you great material for your blogs:-)
Apparently there is a new way of speed dating and its called “speed bowling”. Maybe give that a try? 😉
Infact, just remain single, empowered and free, cause the grass always seems greener on the other side.
i can absolutely relate to what you’re saying and feeling. i’m tired of meeting guys in bars and i’m not sure if online dating is my thing. i try and just do activites that i enjoy but i realise that those are rather solitary activities don’t seem to let me meet any intersting guys. and i wonder how exactly am i supposed to meet the one. how stressful. you don’t see guys getting all stressed like that.
Ugh. The whole thing is discouraging. And I know how you feel. It helps to see that others go through the same sorts of things, though, I think.
In much the same way as when you move to a new city, the quickest way to meet people is take a class. Improv, dance, theatre. Something, anything. Not only will you widen your circle of acquaintances, therefore widening the net, but you will also do something that will distract from being home alone all weekend.
Just two cents from a girl spent most of her life single, and has moved a few times.
Apparently there is a new way of speed dating and its called “speed bowling”. Maybe give that a try? 😉
Infact, just remain single, empowered and free, cause the grass always seems greener on the other side.
Welcome to my world! It was all fun and games until i hit 27. my single girlfriends are dropping like flies. my mom was my age when she met my dad. i began to realize that i’m running out of time to have 4 (maybe more) kids. in a way, i’m tired of trying, but at the same time, i feel a time crunch.
and i’m on a proverbial deserted island when it comes to my love life. we’re talking tumbleweeds, here. no boyf, no crushes, no prospects, even. the bars are getting old. dating is getting old. i’m tired of being alone, but i know i can’t come off as desperate. it’s a catch-22. so i’m passively looking. if that makes any sense. i’ve thought about just throwing in the towel completely and officially giving up!
my new strategy is to get into hobbies i like, and maybe something will come of that. at the very least, i can meet new girlfriends. (and if they have a cute older brother….well, that’s just gravy, right?) so i’m taking classes, trying to meet new peeps all the time, trying to be out-and-about and try new things. i’m not going to meet a guy while i’m sitting on my couch. so i am trying to do things I like to do, in the hopes of meeting someone i click with. this is my current strategy–stay busy doing things i like. that way, i’m not being fake, desperate or a sell-out, and i get to have a good time, even if i don’t meet anyone.
Re: Settling. i have to admit, sometimes, you just want to say, “hey, at least i wouldn’t be alone!” but, to quote my best friend, who *ahem* has 2 divorces under her belt: “trust me, it’s better to be single and never married than divorced. or divorced twice.”
i believe her. i am no longer interested in settling.
people always tell me “just date and have fun and don’t worry!” i love how they assume that dates just fall out of the sky or beat down my door. like they’re lined up and i can just go grab a new one. like i can put “boyfriend” on my grocery list or something. it’s kind of hard to stay laid-back and optimistic when you haven’t dated in months. (I know this doesn’t apply to me right NOW, but usually it does. you know what i mean. i can feel a big dry spell coming on.)
you have no idea how similar i feel! i could have written the SAME EXACT post. you aren’t alone, girl.
I’m going to repeat what everyone else said but well, ‘i feel the exact same way’! Worse thing is there is a guy I like giving me bloody mixed signals and i think today he made it very clear that he is NOT interested. So there..attractive , charming , smart girl with no dates!! Its been like this for years now ! Seriously WTF is going on here ?
vish
ha ha ..Fate has never been this kind to me.The guy who has been messing my head for weeks now , I found his profile on match.com ! I’m SO over him .Freaking hilarious profile!
I dont know why I’m writing this here..but I guess its a way of saying that all those frogs..dont worry about them..they really are frogs ! Thats why they didnt happen/got away /whatever.
vish again
I’m sorry I didnt mean to post as anonymous but I’ve forgotten my blog password!
I meant to try online dating when I found the profile.So I guess I cant be on match as well.Can any of you suggest the next best site for me?I’m new in this city and dying to explore it !
vish!