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I ain’t really drowning ’cause I see the beach from here April 30, 2008

Posted by charmingbutsingle in Advice People Give Me, Dating, Forgive me while I ramble, Friends, General Clumsiness and Related Stupidity, I will never ever actually admit to this ever, It's a strategy, Life, Men, Random Musings on Life, Really. Bad. Habits., Sad but true, Single Girl Cliches, Snippet, Songs I Can't Get Out Of My Head, The Male of the Species Is Ridiculous, Trips to the past, We Get It -- You're Stressed About Getting Old, Women.
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I am out of words.

For all of the good advice and caring I’ve received this week, I am out of words.

For all of the moody music I’ve listened to, for the pint of ice cream I ate, for the mindless TV I’ve watched, I’m out of words.

I am not depressed or terribly sad or crying anymore. I’m not bitter or rage-filled. I am out of words.

So I’m sitting, curled up alone in this bed without my words to comfort me, thinking about myself, thanking the heavens for my kind friends.

Grand realizations and cathartic outbursts deserve a moment or two to sink in. So I am marinating in my past choices, pausing in this slight melancholy and planning my next step.

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1. VJ - April 30, 2008

Ah, then you need music. Lots & lots of crazy, beautiful, soulful and all sorts of different music. Start old (Bach) and work your way up. By the time you get to The Well-Tempered Clavier you should be relaxed. Alternatively, search out the oldest Cajun stuff you can find. The live radio recordings from the 40′s & 50′s. The real party dance stuff, from the dawn of time. It’ll get you happy quick. Failing that start another track with Louie Armstrong. The Hot five’s & 7′s from Chicago. Louie always makes me smile. The same with the 1st recordings of Charlie Parker & Dizzy. The fastest stuff alive. Blowing like no tomorrow. Just sweetness & movement. Pure fun & grooving. No words. Just movement & flow with the universe.

Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’

2. irunwithscissors - April 30, 2008

:) good for you! Take you time… go with the flow! Dont rush it!

3. geekhiker - May 1, 2008

And thus the journey upwards begins. It’s not the same, believe me I know, but we’re all here for ya, words or no. :)

4. As a Start - May 1, 2008

Came across this quote a few minutes ago and thought it might be relevant (to those with or without a religious background): “To the mind, a broken heart is not very attractive, but to one who wants a direct and irrevocable relationship, it is the greatest gift. A broken heart is the gateway to the Divine. ~Lee Lozowick

5. wailin - May 1, 2008

*hug*

6. Around The Funny Farm - May 1, 2008

You need friends, music, wine and cheese!

7. nic - May 1, 2008

I found myself there last month and debated my next move as well…in the end, it turned out to be a pint of Haagen Daz Banana Split ice cream (seriously THE best ice cream ever- a masterpiece in every spoonful); redecorating, rearranging, and reorganizing my entire apartment; joining a gym; and planning a trip to Paris in the fall. Also, reading “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken.” All good stuff. And none of it has to do with me even thinking about meeting or dating or anything to do with boys for a good long time until I feel whole again. Out of all this, I hope you too will make the most of the opportunity to shape and live your life as you want it to be.

8. Kate - May 1, 2008

You’re on the upturn luv. Just know that while you may feel like you’re sinking…but you’ll break the surface. Just like irunwithscissors said, take your time. Sometimes you don’t need words, you may just need some peace and quiet. I recommend a solo road trip to somewhere nearby, just to get out of your element. You could bring along some of your favorite music or some of the tunes VJ recommended – and let the musicians sing to you while you just get away for a while.

9. Cindy - May 1, 2008

Your next step should be to get a puppy. She’s the only thing that’s keeping me sane right now, after all the crap that’s happened to me, she brings me so much happiness every day. Without her, I don’t know what dark depths of depression I would have sunk into!

10. maya - May 1, 2008

I, too, read “it’s called a break-up because its broken” hehe, along with “he’s just not that into you”. I’m a little embarassed to admit it, as I like to pretend to be this strong capable woman… but seriously, I recommend it, if only to remind yourself why you needed to walk away. Good luck charming! I only know you from your blog but that’s enough to tell me you are smart and strong and fabulous. You can and you WILL bounce back from this, no problem.

11. kris - May 1, 2008

I’m not really sure where to begin, but this and your more recent posts let me know that you and I would make smashing friends in real life, even more so than I’d thought before. Sometimes when I read your writing I feel like I’m looking at a younger version of myself (no worries; I don’t fear you’ll be an old Taco Bell eating cat lady like myself).

I wish right now I could open your curtains and force you out for some wine and tapas, where we’d drink too much and I’d try to reassure you with every bit of my heart and tipsiness that you will feel whole again, or if you haven’t already, you will for the first time. And that you won’t make statements that 1) include him being “horrible” to you and 2) not deserving your emotional reaction in the same sentence forever. You are more than this and more than this man. You were before you met him – you still are.

Something I hope you’ll start to know is that you didn’t want this either. It’s not that he didn’t want you – this isn’t who you are or what you want, and you knew it all along. Now there’s room in your life for you to find what is your fit, for the man who will celebrate all that is wonderful and charming about you.

It doesn’t feel good now, but I promise it will.

12. Libra Lady - May 1, 2008

Yaay! *BIG HUG* We’re still rooting for you Charming! Keep your head held high! Smile, laugh, cry, run, walk… Do whatever helps you get through this, Honey! And continue working through this with your music and your AWESOME friends and your wonderful spirit that will help catapult you into happier, finer days!

Sincerely,
With LOTS more hugs and well wishes,

Libra Lady :)

P.S. If you can’t tell, I’m one of those “touchy, feely” people! lol :D

13. Lioness - May 1, 2008

Ruminating can be a very silent and lonely process, but you you’re not alone. Know that. It will be up and down, ebb and flow, and don’t be surprised or disappointed in yourself if even after all this you still miss him, still question yourself, hang on to hope. It’s all part of grieving, it cannot truly be avoided. No one is judging you here – not those of us who are sane and human, anyway; the others always find the most vulnerable posts and exert their right to be utter tossers/cows, but I hope you’re not paying too much attention. They’re talking at you really, it’s an introspective monologue.

Listen, I created a category called Sod’s Law for when my shit hit the fan at unbelievable speed, and all too often I couldn’t see an end to it. At one point I so desperately wanted control over my life, I so terribly needed annihilation that I deleted my blog, which is as close to it as I can come. Then things changed slowly, and eventually I created a new one called It’s A New World, and it makes me cringe bcs the truths I’ve found out about myself are just that, cringe-worthy. I cannot believe this is also me. But now I know, and there is never protection in ignorance. It can always be a new world. ALWAYS. You’ll hurt like bloody hell and feel like there won’t be an end to it ever, at times. There is, I promise. You’ll see.

14. CK - May 1, 2008

The next step is the most fun!

15. Trish Ryan - May 1, 2008

Oh Honey-I just read your last post and tears came to my eyes. I’ve been there, and it’s just so gut-wrenchingly unbelievable that it hurts just to think about.

Please believe me: this is not the end of the line. There will be an amazing man who will adore your blue eyes…and the rest of you…and love and cherish and adore you. Just because you haven’t met him yet doesn’t mean he isn’t out there. Don’t settle for anything less!

And in the meantime, guacamole helps more than I would have thought :)

16. the cajun boy - May 1, 2008

it happens dude. just always remember that there’s an old man waiting for you at that cigar bar.

17. Stu - May 1, 2008

There is nothing wrong with you. The sooner you realize that the sooner you move on.

18. angie - May 1, 2008

i fell off the planet when you needed me for one thing, but now i’m here if you need me for another.

i’ve got 2 ears and 2 shoulders for the taking if you need.

19. singlefabulous - May 1, 2008

I was in a very similar spot a few months back and a friend said something to me that really stuck with me. I was lamenting the fact that I tend to get my emotions really involved and then end up getting hurt. He said “it does seem to re-occur, but I can’t say it’s a bad thing. Your heart is prone to attachment, which will be great for the right guy.”

I’ve spent a lot of time in my life wishing that I weren’t so sensitive, wishing that I wouldnt develop strong feelings for people and then end up broken hearted. But it’s feeling intensely that makes us human. I think keeping your heart open is always a good thing. Even though right now it really doesn’t feel like it. And eventually, you will meet the guy who will reciprocate.

20. Diane - May 2, 2008

You are on the way back up – a stronger, wiser version of yourself. We have all been there and had this moment where we realized that we did not want to make the same choices as before. Listen to your instincts – they are usually right on the money. Hang with your girlfriends, read, work out, volunteer – whatever works to help you through this and get to a stronger place where you put your needs first. Also – red wine and lots of it. Works for me every time.

21. TherapeuticRamblings - May 2, 2008

So how about talking about it? Okay….just kidding. :D

I think it is good that you are sitting with it. So often people do anything and everything to avoid just ‘being’. Hopefully you’ll find out more with some time.

22. Katie - May 3, 2008

ooh we are so in the same boat right now and as much as it sucks we’ll get through it and just remember you always have your friends without them I know I surely would have drowned a looong time ago ;)

23. Babycakes - May 3, 2008

Think the pet advice is a good one, so nice to have a cat or dog you can just hug and don’t have to talk to. Hope you feel better soon.

24. Jen - May 4, 2008

Sounds like a good way to nurture yourself. It will pay off, you’ll see.

25. devonellington - May 4, 2008

Marinating often does the soul a lot of good. I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time; I wish you peace and comfort, and that you ride it out soon towards something wonderful.

Best,

Devon
Ink in My Coffee

26. Rachel - May 5, 2008

It’s always good to just be able to take a little while and think about everything and just let it sit…Good luck with everything, and I’m sure that everything will work itself out.

27. Even God Is Single - May 5, 2008

Gosh – I’ve been there. You’d think I’d feel relieved to know I’m not alone in that experience… but really, I don’t wish that feeling on anyone.

I guess look at it this way: Only one person can be the ONE, so all the rest are bound to be disappointments. You’ve gotta find a way to know this and not let it affect your confidence. Because you? Are fabulous!

28. Angela - May 5, 2008

I know it’s hard to imagine right now… but before you know it you will remember everything that you are going through right now and you will be able to smile about it. Also, the right guy is out there for you…. He’ll come into your life when the time is right.

29. Niyara - May 6, 2008

This post makes so much more sense after reading the last! I’m glad I got here when you’re about to start something new. At least your on the planning your next step phase and not still thinking *maybe just myabe* about him.

30. Chelsea Talks Smack - May 6, 2008

I really feel like this feeling is in the air right now….I am so sorry…just know it will get better even though right now you want to smack everyone in the face that says that, Ive totally been there.

31. loriannetucson - May 6, 2008

It seems like we need the pain as an absolute in order to feel the catharsis. I can totally relate. You’ll come up to breathe soon enough, just hold your breath a little longer…

32. James Bond - May 7, 2008

Go out and meet a guy, you need to get laid.

33. MisstressM - May 9, 2008

I didn’t go to mine for those exact reasons


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