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Wrapping up, moving ahead December 31, 2007

Posted by charmingbutsingle in Full of resolve, It's a strategy, Life, Listing is fun and easy, Really. Bad. Habits., Single Girl Cliches, We Get It -- You're Stressed About Getting Old.
22 comments

So this is resolution time.

And this year, I resolve to live a more balanced life. To save more and spend less. To eat less and exercise more. To listen more and talk less. To be more adventurous and nest less. To pray more and complain less.

To give more and take less.

Which, of course, is why I’m awake at the wee hours of New Year’s Eve morning, blogging and watching Season One of “How I Met Your Mother” when I should be sleeping in preparation for a big night out on the town or at least packing my overnight bag or shaving my legs or figuring out which flats to wear since I’ve ruled out boots given that I may or may not have seriously sprained my ankle, which has been hurting for more than a week now or really anything other than tap tap tapping on this here keyboard.

I also resolve to write shorter sentences.

Not to overdo this resolution thing or to put too fine a point on it, but I have narrowed my broad desires for self improvement in 2008 into three main goals. And not to become the Single Female Blogger version of “Chicken Soup for the Soul,” they are:

  1. I resolve to pause before buying (or consuming) anything (yes, fatty foods included) and ask myself, “Am I buying this to fill some imaginary void in my life or satisfy some fleeting emotion?” If so, I will put it down.
  2. I resolve to show gratitude for the kindness showered upon me each day by friends, colleagues, family members, adversaries (real or imagined) and strangers on the street.
  3. I resolve to stop hiding behind humor, sarcasm, cynicism and electronic devices and to introduce myself to two new people each month.

I’ve thought about these a lot in the past weeks. I’ve pored over my bank statements and studied my cabinets and counted my habits and I believe these goals hit on the three areas of my life that need the most improvement. I overindulge on both things and food. I let pessimism overshadow my good fortune. I hide behind a big personality and avoid reaching out to new people because I am not 100 percent comfortable in my own skin. (Believe it or not, I think the third goal will be the toughest.)

Hundreds of actions correspond with each of these goals and I know I will not succeed 100 percent of the time. But I will no longer let fear of failure and imperfection cause me to consciously (or subconsciously) ruin positive things in my life. As I told a friend who is making major life changes when we were talking the other day, “Sometimes it is easier to mess up the good things than to forgive yourself for your flaws and accept that you are deserving of contentment and happiness.”

Dear God, I think I just wrote a clichéd psychobabble self help essay.  But I’m not apologizing this time.

Cheers to you and yours. May 2008 be a year full of balance, gratitude and truthfulness.

Winter, spring, summer or fall / All you have to do is call December 26, 2007

Posted by charmingbutsingle in Bridesmaiding, Friends, My Misspent Youth, Seriously - what's a maid of honor do?, Weddings, Women.
11 comments

To The Best (Gonna Get Hitched) College Roommate Ever –

I am just tickled pink to be writing this letter to you, tears and all. Because I love you so much that it is hard sometimes to be so far away. Especially now, when you’re newly engaged and I just want to give you weepy hugs and coo over your ring in person.

If you would have told me back in, say, 2000, that I would one day be giddily clicking through pages on TheKnot.com and suggesting dress colors for your wedding, well, I would have called you nuts. I remember meeting you through work at college – you were wearing a red boatneck shirt from Old Navy.  And I know that sounds creepy that I remember that, but the thing is that I owned that shirt and wore it all of the time and you’re one of about six people on earth who would appreciate that I even noticed that.

You seemed standoffish and I was as loud as ever. We weren’t friends at first because I mistook your shyness for snobiness. But one night, for whatever reason, we went out together. My first night at what at once became my favorite college bar, where’d we eventually chug too many beers, down too many shots, make numerous ill-advised decisions.

You were fun and beautiful and friendly in smaller groups on more comfortable terms. We quickly bonded over shared past heartaches and hurts that I don’t have to list out – you know what I mean and that’s all that matters. We were both wounded and though we should have perhaps reached for less self-destructive escapes, we were relatively socially inseparable for those last few years in college. And though we are quite different – you embraced your inner pink years ago and I’m only recently acknowledging mind – our relationship worked. I have a bond with you that I share with no one else, and for better or for worse I know that for some feelings, some sadness, only you will truly understand.

I haven’t always been the best friend and I wasn’t the best roommate. Money was tight, I am emotional and our group of guys and girls and booze hardly made for the most settled lifestyle. Also, I always used to forget that we didn’t have a garbage disposal and I never cleaned the kitchen and I don’t know how many eggplant peels you fished out of the sink during my vegetarian days.

But you’ve loved me in spite of that and I adore your patience. I miss playing hermit together while watching “Sex and the City” marathons and eating Chinese food, how you’d tease me because I used to yell “Bam!” while I cooked alongside Emeril on TV and groaning over the first season of the terrible MTV reality show “Sorority Life” while we gagged and ordered the other to “Make it a double, Sweetie.” I miss road trips to football games, comparing notes on men, lounging on Sunday nights in the apartment complex hot tub and taking care of each other when one of us was heartbroken, or inebriated or grumpy. You comfort me better than anyone else I know and really deserve a place in heaven for putting up with me when I was at my most heartbroken yet.

Because I know the ups and downs you’ve endured in your life, how beautiful your heart is and how shockingly talented you are, I’ve waited for so long for a man who looked at you with adoration, excitement and recognition of your value. That is what I see in your future husband’s eyes. And I love him for it. He treats you like an equal, but spoils you when he can. He is supportive and respectful of your sensitive side and nature. A class act all around, as worthy of your companionship and love as you are his.

Things will not always be easy, but you know that. If you’re even half as committed to and patient with him as you’ve been with me, well, you’re destined to a lifelong marriage and I’ll just have to live with the fact that I have competition in the best friend category.

Love,

Your Charming (and Emotional) Maid of Honor

P.S. There is still time to appoint someone else as your Maid of Honor, given my near-miss on the last bridesmaid dress I was charged with ordering. Should you proceed with me in the Maid of Honor role, I promise to order the dress the second you given me the go ahead. For real.

Pick myself up and get back in the race December 19, 2007

Posted by charmingbutsingle in Bridesmaiding, Family, Forgive me while I ramble, Friends, It's a strategy, Life, We Get It -- You're Stressed About Getting Old, Weddings.
32 comments

The truth is I’ve been a bit grumpy lately. It’s the holidays and I’ve been busy. Work. Shopping. A weekend trip out of town for Best Friend Ever’s bachelorette party. (Side note: I felt much like country mouse gone to the city. Where I’m from “bottle service” means Budweiser, Miller or Coors.) Missing my dear out-of-town friends. Not seeing enough of my in-town ones.

And my birthday, which was today, was kind of an afterthought. Sure I’ve made some plans to celebrate with friends and family. While I traditionally enjoy being showered with attention for My Day and those closest to me certainly wished me well and made me feel special and so unbelievably lucky to be surrounded by warmth and kindness, I haven’t been able to shake this sense of melancholy.

So I’ve reached out and refused to be a shut in. And slowly, the feeling is fading.

Renewing my faith in myself and working to pinpoint what is bringing me down, well, that may take a bit longer.

At least by this age – 28 – I know myself well enough to acknowledge my moodiness, which I’m sure is a first step of some kind.

Weekend birthday plans? Check. Christmas plans? Check. New Year’s Plans? Double check.

There’s nothing like anticipating good times to motivate you to dust yourself off, slap on a pair of heels and pass a good time, ya hear?

How not to flirt December 10, 2007

Posted by charmingbutsingle in Advice People Give Me, Friends, General Clumsiness and Related Stupidity, It's a strategy, Men, Seriously!, Single Girl Cliches, Weekend Updates.
33 comments

Friday evening after a long day I was sitting with my friends listening to some live rat pack-style music and admiring the Upright Bass Player, who was tall with dark hair and a beard. He was perfect – so my type.

Also, apparently, one of my girlfriends’ types as well. And though we were both joking about having “claimed” him as our own, neither of us seemed to be doing a whole heck of a lot about it.

At a break, I saw him go outside and decided that this would be a good time for an oh-so-bad-for-me smoke break. And there I was, standing alone outside, a mere four or five feet from where he was talking to horn player. I was trying to think of an opening to talk to him, figuring I could request a song. And then a woman in her forties looked at me and said, “You can have a smoke with me since you’re alone.”

Great.

She was nice enough and we chatted for a few minutes while the Upright Bass Player went inside. I tried to smile and be polite but I wanted to yell or scream or pout that she’d interrupted what was, in my mind, a perfect opportunity.

I went inside for the second set, moaning about my lack of luck to The Banker, who was sitting next to me.

“You know that guy is just so my type,” I said.

“He is.”

The band took another break and the Girlfriend who was admiring the same guy decided to leave. She gave us hugs and went to pay her tab. Another friend’s husband was heading to the bar and I decided that I didn’t want to deal with the rush of people during the break and would wait to get a second beer.

As The Banker was gathering her purse to go to the bar, our friend’s husband returned from the bar.

“[Girlfriend] said to tell you that she talked to the Bass Player at the bar just now.”

Clearly, she’d thrown down the gauntlet and I’m not one to back down from a challenge, so I reached for my purse to follow The Banker, who just laughed.

We positioned ourselves at the end of the bar where the Bass Player was and ordered drinks.

“I’ll stay with you so you won’t just be standing here alone,” The Banker offered.

“Thanks!”

“I mean, my loyalties lie with you, since I’ve known you longer.”

So we stood. I leaned up against the bar with my beer in my hand and tossed flirtatious glances over to the Bass Player.

He did not notice.

“What is me standing here doing?” I asked The Banker.

“You’re available for him to come talk to you,” she said.

So we stood. I took coy sips from my beer and stared at him a little more blatantly.

“This doesn’t seem to be working,” I said. “Should I move? Try to get his attention? Fall over on the floor?”

“You could walk toward the bathroom and pretend to trip and spill your beer on him.”

“THAT is your suggestion?” I asked incredulously.

“Well, you’d definitely get his attention,” The Banker said.

“All of the possibilities in the world and spilling beer on him is your best idea?” I asked.

“Look, I’m bad at this stuff too.”

So we stood.

The band started moving back toward to the small stage.

“Ok, so standing here didn’t work.”

“You still have time to spill your beer.”

“I am NOT spilling my beer on him.”

And then he went back to his bass.

So we sat through another set. Prom Date joined us and soon everyone else left except for us and I stared longingly at where the Bass Player was packing up him equipment. And I turned to Prom Date to gush that this guy just looked so much like my type of guy.

And I looked back and he was gone.

Lazy Friday Post December 7, 2007

Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.
11 comments

So the “Sex and the City” movie trailer just came out.

Jezebel has a frame-by-frame breakdown.

Thoughts? Kind of over the top, in a way that you can see more clearly after a few years away from the show? (Look, I’ll be honest. My roomie and I in college used to rent all of a season and sit there with Chinese takeout and wine and watch the whole thing years ago and it seemed far less annoying than it does now. Perhaps it was the wine.)

I’ll go see the movie anyway, I’m sure.